mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
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Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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