I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize