Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
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I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
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True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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