Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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