i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
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He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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