Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
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He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
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You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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