Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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