Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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