Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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