got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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