I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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