My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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