I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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