Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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