I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
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Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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