3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
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He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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