Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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