I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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