Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
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When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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