I think my vagina is haunted
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
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I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
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Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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