My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
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Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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