he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
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On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
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My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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