Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
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I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
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You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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