i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
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I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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