Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper

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(203): his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper http://tfl.nu/7n4i

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(916): View more from California

We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.

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(916): We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever. http://tfl.nu/dui8

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(561): View more from Florida

She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'

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(561): She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS' http://tfl.nu/cd1u

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(203): View more from Connecticut

apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him

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(203): apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him http://tfl.nu/3qi4

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(916): View more from California

I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.

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(916): I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter. http://tfl.nu/a3e6

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.

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(615): I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this. http://tfl.nu/3o9n

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(905): View more from Ontario

Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.

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(905): Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up. http://tfl.nu/c9v7

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(360): View more from Washington

It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?

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(360): It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink? http://tfl.nu/zyp6

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(812): View more from Indiana

They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal

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(812): They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal http://tfl.nu/sgdn

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(817): View more from Texas

If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer

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(817): If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer http://tfl.nu/rqqd

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(704): View more from North Carolina

She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.

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(704): She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast. http://tfl.nu/wpj9

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(507): View more from Minnesota

I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.

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(507): I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom. http://tfl.nu/89m8

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(409): View more from Texas

You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off

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(409): You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off http://tfl.nu/0o0c

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(315): View more from New York

I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.

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(315): I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening. http://tfl.nu/i72z

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(408): View more from California

We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!

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(408): We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?! http://tfl.nu/o08x

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