i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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