I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize