so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize