The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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