The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
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I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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