As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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