You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize