I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
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We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
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We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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