foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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