I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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