you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
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Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
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new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize