so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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