hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
they're like a gay fantastic four
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
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There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
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If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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