I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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