I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize