Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some magic done to my vagina
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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