And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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