these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
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All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
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When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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