I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize