Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize