well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
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It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
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EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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