Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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