please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize