He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
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You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
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This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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