I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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